One thing I hear from people who are concerned about their animal’s behavior is the guilt they feel about something they “should do” for their companion. It’s time to let go of guilt.
Most of my time is spent with companion animals at work. My family and I can’t always be together but when we are, we celebrate each other’s company. Consider some points about domesticated animals.
- Dogs and cats sleep more than 12 hours per day on average.
- Most animals need time alone. Being with others can be exhausting.
- Animals want consistency in their family*. They want to stay with you.
*For the sake of clarity, please accept that my use of “family” can be just you and the pet. I don’t live in a pack. My companions are family.
Some people I meet through training and rescue are at their wit’s end and want to give up. They love and enjoy time with their companion but are managing something that seems unsolvable with inside companions like peeing in the house, destruction, or rough play.
They resist using one of the best tools we have for dogs especially, a kennel, because they wouldn’t want to be in one themselves. Dogs aren’t like us. They evolved to spend time in small spaces. They seek out a place that’s easy to heat with their bodies. A place that’s easy to defend. A personal experience 40 years ago and the years of observation since then have proven this true for 99% of the dogs I’ve known.
Some people reach out to surrender their dog because they’re moving to a smaller home with less room to run. They make a harsh decision on behalf of the dog to give them up. They fool themselves into believing the family member will be better off alone, starting over.
I have rescued domesticated animals for decades. There is no doubt in my mind that pets who belong but lost their homes anyway would have chosen a restriction or other change instead of losing their family. For them, please be creative. They depend upon you! Need ideas? We can help.
What about pets who don’t fit in from the beginning?
After weeks to adjust, sometimes a companion animal you adopted as an adult has needs and wants that are not the same as yours. Sometimes it’s not a good fit. This does not apply if you adopted an animal as a juvenile and raised them to adulthood. Don’t do that.
If you just can’t meet the pet’s needs, I agree it’s better to seek out a better home. If you are a person who is experienced at making pets your family for life no matter what, be at peace. It doesn’t always work out.
None-the-less, you commit to the animal once you adopt them. Rescues have limited resources and they are not responsible for our mistakes. Do the work to find this one the right home yourself unless the animal is in danger in your care. I kept a dog for her entire life of 13 years because after years of searching, I never found a better home. Looking back, living with Posy blessed our family is so many ways. Sometimes that happens when you take responsibility for another life.
If this happened before or this is your very first companion, please do not adopt another one. Be sure this commitment works for you before adopting again. Many rescues offer the opportunity to adopt an animal you’re fostering. Become part of the solution and maybe one of your fosters will become your forever friend.
Companion animal daily needs
- physical exercise
- mental exercise
- rest, rest, rest
- healthy food
- clean, plentiful water
- belonging
- protection from the elements and other dangers
Do you provide your pet with a safe place to live geared to their needs? Do they have enough food to be healthy but not so much they become sick? Do you connect with and enjoy your companion for a dedicated time most days? Most of our companion animals thrive with a companion of the same species. Are they lonely for their own kind?
How do you know you are giving your companion what they need? Look for relaxed behavior. If they seem anxious, note when/where/why. Journaling can help discover the cause. Sometimes the stressor is something your friend doesn’t even need. Again, we are here to help!
Companion animals do not need
- to play with other animals outside their family
- to socialize with people outside their family
- constant attention from you
Socializing with people and animals outside the family may be a good way for your pet to get mental and physical exercise. That is not true for all of us.
If you are still concerned about your companion’s behavior, consider these possible causes:
- health crisis needing veterinary care
- poor diet
- not enough rest
- lack of exercise
- lack of mental stimulation
- insecurity caused by too much socializing outside the family
- loneliness that might be solved by adopting another animal of the same species
- exposure to animals your pet doesn’t trust
- your anxiety or guilt
Why did they partner with humans so long ago? Because we get mutual benefit from our partnership: sharing food, warmth, shelter, water, companionship, and other resources. Many domesticated animals and people are good together. Be easy on yourself and don’t sweat the small stuff.
